Published May 20, 2006
The feild was glistening like a million emeralds. Sarah stepped into the field to see her horse Dandy. Dandy was an old nag. she slowly limped over to Sarah because Sarah's dad shot her. She started to hack up cheese and chili. Then a sqiurril ran past Dandy and knockedm her off of her feet. With a last breath she fell to the ground. Hmmm...... Sarah wondered, I bet she'd taste good with some ketchup. She then pulled out a butcher knife and slaughtered her in front of her foal. Inside of her was Sarah's mom. Sarah looked at the foal. She started to pull out out her gun to kill it but the horse died. THen, she happily butchered the baby, her mother, and the old nag named DAndy. She ate them that night for dinner and enjoyed them whole-heartedly. Don't forget the ketchup!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE end
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141,266 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So...that was short and kind of confusing as to what on Earth actually went down there. It's very fast paced and has no recognizable order to it. The most I can decipher from this are that Sarah ends up killing three horses so that she can eat them for dinner or something along those lines. It's definitely not that easy to figure out exactly what this thing is trying to say. It's not exactly the funniest story either so I'm wondering if this one is meant to be a joke or was an attempt to write an actual story that ended up a little bit too rushed.
Anyway let's get right to it,
That should be field, squirrel, knocked, then, Dandy and wholeheartedly.
Besides the typos this is just a bit of a jumble of thoughts and narration so it doesn't really seem to be making much sense at all which gets a little confusing to read. So I'd suggest either doing away with these randomly inserted thoughts completely or putting them in italics to be clear that they are separate thoughts.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Okay that'a about all I have to say I think. Not much else to add. It's a really short story. Overall I'd say this is okay...it a little too confusing to work as a joke related short story but it's not completely impossible to understand.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Zaddie, this piece is three years old. Please try not to drag up old pieces of literature, unless asked to review them by their author. Thanks.
wow, what an articulate piece of writting. No, i'm sorry but I feel that you are using this site lightly to say the least. Its supose to help people and advise them with their writting.
Well Done!
Keep writing.
-Sayani